Do any of you feel like you are living in a world of God-sized tasks?
I feel like I am.
In fact, recently while dealing with a rather big issue in my life, I was again reminded of the God-sized task world that seems to be mine.
Unfortunately, right now the biggest God-sized task is a financial one. I hate financial things. That’s why I majored in English – I was sure to not have to work with numbers. Seriously, financial stuff is apparently not my gifting, but oh how I want it to be.
My financial situation hit me full in the face a few weeks ago. That night, I had a mini-nervous breakdown and a few days later figured out a plan that seemed like the answer to prayer. It was going to work beautifully. I was thrilled, excited, beyond blessed.
why is there always a but?
A mere week later something happened that changed my financial plan significantly. My great plan went up in smoke…poof. And with it went my hope to ever be in a better place. So frustrating.
Money is one of the things in my life that cause the most fear and anxiety. I feel like I should be able to do this financial thing better. I should be able to make this work. In fact, I’m horribly embarrassed to share this with you. I have shared the intimate details with only a few and that hasn’t come without regrets. I’m praying that sharing what God is showing me through this will be a blessing to someone and I will have no regrets.
Its difficult to share something you feel like a failure at…something that is such a ridiculous challenge. I feel like it shouldn’t be such a challenge. Why is it Lord?
Today I was speaking to my sweet sister, sharing my struggle and praying with her. And I realized something – I had put my hope in my own ability to figure it out, develop and implement a plan. I had given myself a sense of peace because I saw that I had the ability to fix things. I didn’t need anyone or anything…all me! I was going to get this done. I wasn’t going to ask for nothing from nobody! And someday I could say to anyone who asked that I had overcome this huge Sue-sized task.
(there it is again)
But God wants me to see Him do it. God wants me to know that it is Him and only Him. It is indeed a God-sized task.
Writing this now reminds me of the story of Gideon in Judges 7. “The Lord said to Gideon, “The people with you are too many for me to give the Midianites into their hand, lest Israel boast over me, saying, “My own hand has saved me.” (v. 2)
Oh dear…that does sound a bit like me. I have all of a sudden realized that I really want to say that I have done it. The I have successfully navigated this mess of a financial situation. I have figured it, conquered it, overcome it.
I don’t need anyone to help me, thank you very much.
All me. All amazing, smart, savy Sue.
Yeah…not so much.
Not that a plan and a vision are bad…I think it is the heart in which it is developed and implemented. My heart was all pride.
God again is showing me that my life is about Him…about relying on Him, about trusting Him, about watching Him work, provide and love me in ways I never imagined. My God is able to do far more abundantly than all that I ask or imagine, according to the power at work within me. (Ephesians 3:20)
Recently I heard someone say that all the money in the world is God’s. It’s not like He can’t provide for me and mine…and you and yours.
Finances can seem to me like the thing that God can’t do. The thing God has to do in a natural, not supernatural, way…doesn’t He have to work within the confines of what my income is and what my expenses are? Can He do something differently? Can He provide in ways I can’t imagine?
So today, I’m sitting here thinking…Okay God, I’m ready to give this to you. I’m ready to let you have this…I’m ready to see what you can do to fix the mess I’m in…the mess I’ve made.
Please show me what you would have me do. What opportunities should I grab hold of to help me provide for my family? Where should I focus? What is the plan? Lord, please show me what to do. Father, please provide a way to get out of this mess.
And even as I pray that, I wonder am I being selfish to ask? Do I deserve to be able to pray a prayer like that?
Sometimes I don’t think I even remotely grasp how much my Father loves me. And yet, I struggle. I wonder is this the thing that God wants me to do…to be a better steward of things? Should I just suck it up and deal with things the way they are? Accept that this is going to be very, very difficult, but I made the mess and I have to clean it up.
No. That can’t be the way God wants me to handle this. It has to be about trusting Him to provide. It has to be about knowing that God can handle this. It has to be that He wants to show me what my Father can do to make things better…my Father specializes in God-sized tasks.
My earthly father, who is now with my Heavenly Father, was always willing to help me. I had but to ask and he was there. I miss him. I miss his advice, his wisdom, and the way he cared about me. I know that my father would always do whatever he could to help me because he loved me. My Heavenly Father is no different. He loves me. He has the world at His fingertips…it is all His. He will take care of, provide for, and love on me.
“If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7:11)
It is just something He does. He loves perfectly.
I don’t know if God will jump in to this mess with me and fix it tomorrow, or if it will be a longer process that requires patience on my part. (Oh please, please don’t let it be the patience one…please, please, please.)
There are decisions that I have to make that are dependent upon those silly financial issues. Not only do I need provision, but I need wisdom and discernment. I feel excited about this.
No longer is trepidation trampling my emotions. At least not at this moment. God has given me a fresh perspective – a hope when things look rather hopeless. A peace when a glance at my budget does anything but create peace.
Believe me, that hope and peace make no sense at all in lieu of the facts. That’s what I love about God…that and a thousand other things…that when everything seems beyond hopeless, He pours on the peace.
This overwhelmingly big God-sized task ? I’m giving it to my Father…it’s all His.