I’ve been trying to figure out a good way to start this post. I just can’t think of one. So I guess I’ll just share stuff with you and hope that God uses my fuzzy thinking to bless! He’s good that way.
Yesterday my Dad went to be with the Lord. I was blessed to spend his last hours with him and my Mom. It was more difficult than I can adequately express in mere words. I wanted nothing more than to comfort my father as he struggled and yet I was terrified to watch him die. I wanted to be there for my Mom, but I didn’t really know what to do. I felt lost in wanting to be both caregiver and cared for. But in the midst of it all, God was so clearly there. I felt His presence…His assurance in my confusion and fear. I felt His peace even as I struggled to maintain composure…which I did not do well at all in the end.
Today I opened up my email to see that a post I had written for MomLifeToday was up. I’ve attached it because this one probably isn’t gonna be so great and maybe that one will bless more 🙂 I often have to reread what I write because I can’t remember it well…honestly, I can’t remember much well at this point…my family has been laughing at me for the past couple of days because I’m such a goof. Anyway, I digress. I reread what I had written in my post “No Pretty Little Bow” and God so sweetly reminded me through my own words that He can be trusted.
See there are a lot of things I wish I could have done differently this past week. There are a lot of things I don’t understand. And sometimes I can be a self-beater-upper. But if I truly believe that I can trust God with everything, why do I have to play Monday morning quarterback with everything? I can second-guess with the best of them…my friend says I need to stop “shoulding” all over myself…ain’t that the truth.
Today I’m reminding myself that God can be trusted. God does love me. There is nothing more I can do because He has done it all. I need only rest in the knowledge that my life is in His hands…my father’s life was in His hands…my children’s lives are in His hands.
He will guide my footsteps. Sometimes we will go places I’d rather not, but if I keep my focus on Him it’ll all turn out just fine in the end. It has to…that’s His plan and His plan is always perfect.
uptomytoes 
I think that this is a great post. You have described being utterly powerless, not in control, and without clear direction. It could be a special moment because God knows that we need to be that way when we face death. It could be that facing death just takes down all of our facades of power, control, and direction, and can see the nearness of God. These are extremes, and I don’t think that either have the whole truth, but the value is in the lovingkindness of God and His nearness. I have to admit that I may be serving myself in this interpretation as I am frustrated with my lack of power, control, and direction, so much so, I am asking the Lord to show me, especially in scripture, how His first disciples approached power, control, and direction, and so far I have primarily been getting a better understanding of love, trust and faith, and hope.
May the Lord bless you in this time of grief.
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Jim,
Thank you so much for the reminder that God is in control and that is a very good thing!
In Him
Sue
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Oh, Sue. My heart aches for you. I have been praying for you, for your Dad’s faith, his comfort and assurance, and for your family as you all walk through this. I love the verse “Be still and know that I am God.”. I love that the verse says “know” and not “feel.” When everything feels wrong, and my heart is a mess, I can rest in what I know. He is my God. I know you know that already, but it is my message to you on this day. I’m still praying…
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Penny,
Thank you so much! You are so right about knowing and feeling…what a wonderful reminder! I KNOW that God is who He says He is and I KNOW that He loves me and I KNOW that He blesses me with kind friends like you!
God bless,
Sue
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Sue,
I am so sorry about your dad. Wow, you where very strong and no matter how hard it was I am sure you have not of been any other place. But just think of the smile on his face now!
My goodness the last couple of weeks have been ruff. So I also have been trying to rest at the feet of God and feel His presences and peace. But I still feel tired and worn down many days. I sure hope there is a catch up day sometime and we can feel like we can breath. Definitely need to hear all the time to go to God!
Take care, Shanda
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