I saw something funny online yesterday. It said, “My New Year’s resolution is to remember to write 2013.” Wouldn’t it be nice if that was all that we needed to resolve to do? I have so much I want to change about my life that I shudder to think what my resolution list would look like if I was to write one!
It has been a little while since I’ve posted – pneumonia knocked me off my feet for quite a while. Well, actually had I gotten off my feet I probably would’ve gotten better much faster. After the third round of xrays in the 3rd month of my coughing and wheezing, the doctor again admonished me to get some rest. The first few times I nodded my head and agreed to try. I didn’t even bother with my whole life story. You know the single mom with “100” kids thing…rest is not an option…at least not often. Everyone has something that keeps them up at night or on their feet all day or running from thing to thing.
I also have to be honest – when people threatened that if I didn’t get rest I’d be hospitalized, I felt like saying, “Can I sleep there? Do the dishes, laundry and kids come too? Cause I’m thinking that doesn’t sound so bad!” Just kidding of course! It has been almost 4 months and I finally think I’ve beaten it. And I’m ever so thankful.
Sickness and single parenting are not an ideal situation. There are really no easy situations in single parenting…blessed and sweet situations but certainly not easy. I have found a lovely peace in my single momma life. We have found a rhythm and rhyme. I’d say we have found balance, but I don’t believe we have. I think that there will always be a bit of “unbalancedness” – a bit of awkwardness because our family is not exactly as it should be. We have suffered a loss and will forever be affected by that…in bad and even good ways. We have a missing piece. But God has stepped in and filled our missing pieces.
I believe God’s light shines through our cracks. He is seen most clearly through our brokenness. His strength when we are weak. His hope when all seems lost. His grace when failure is reality.
I have a tremendous number of cracks and missing pieces – plenty of places for God’s love and grace to shine through. I think it’s a beautiful thing that God takes the heartbreak and pain of our lives and turns them into beautiful testimonies of His faithfulness and love. I have only to trust Him to do it and He will.
Lately, life has been challenging. Sickness and sorrow have been a bit more than I can bear at times. Sickness has been a companion I could certainly do without – my children have had their fair share as well. The sorrow is a bit more difficult to deal with – I battle with sorrow especially over the things my children have lost.
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.
Fear has become a bit of a constant struggle for me…fears of failing, fears of disappointing, fears for my children. I don’t know if I exactly fear the future…I fear not doing well now so that the future isn’t what I hope it will be.
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah.
Sickness, sorrow and fear…ugh.
At least two of those I can work on…well, I guess if I were to go to bed at a reasonable hour and maybe not try and do so much the sickness could be something I worked on as well. But the sorrow and the fear? Those are two that I want to deal with in a more God honoring way.
What am I going to do with this blasted sorrow? Dang it – I refuse to wallow, but I get this verse:
My soul melts away for sorrow; strengthen me according to your word! Psalm 119:28
It’s a request God put in His word to show us how to deal with sorrow. It’s a request we can make and receive a guaranteed answer. If in my sorrow I ask for God to strengthen me, He will through His word.
When I read about the lives of the saints in the Bible and see how God did indeed turn their mourning into rejoicing, my hope is stirred.
I will turn their mourning into joy; I will comfort them, and give them gladness for sorrow.
Widowed, Moabitess Ruth who followed her bitter, mourning mother-in-law to a foreign land and worked as a beggar gathering barley, married kind and godly Boaz and gave birth to Obed who became the grandfather of King David and in the lineage of Jesus.
The Israelites in captivity were released from slavery with not just the clothes on their back but the treasures of the Egyptians and set on a journey that led to the Promised Land!
Barren Hannah had her prayers answered and gave birth to a beautiful baby boy named Samuel who became a prophet of God.
The Ninevites were lost in sin and violence until God reached out to them with grace, mercy and the hope of forgiveness and restoration.
King David who fell on his face in adultery and murder was forgiven and restored to fellowship with God.
The woman who had exhausted all her money and options to restore her health, simply touched a small portion of Jesus’ robe and was healed.
The leper who had been void of human contact was touched by Jesus and healed.
Peter who denied Christ three times at His crucifixion was forgiven in the most intentional and loving way by Christ Himself.
All the disciples of Christ who watched with great sorrow and fear as their Savior died and was buried, rejoiced and praised God 3 days later!
The Bible is full of stories of hope, redemption and restoration. Our lives are no less filled with these characteristics. This is a great big fallen world full of stuff that hurts, but God is a great big loving God who has overcome this world. There is hope. Hope for today and hope for the future. I need not fear for myself or my children, God will never leave us nor forsake us. (Deut. 31:6) He will not allow us to be snatched out of His hand (John 10:28-30).
No matter the circumstances of our lives…surprisingly good or shockingly not…God offers hope. And it is that hope that I cling to as I begin another year…a new year…another year to experience God’s love and faithfulness! I pray that you will be blessed beyond measure and in the most extraordinary ways this year!
For this reason because I have heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love toward all the saints, I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places…