The past 6 days…ugh.
Here are the highlights:
- 1 baby root canal
- 2 dental appointments
- 2 cars that both failed inspection
- 4 new Suburban tires
- 1 very rude car mechanic
- 1 broken AC condensations thingy – wet basement
- 1 dead cherry tree
- 3 sick children
- 2 unexpected massive medical bills
- 1 unexpected doctor’s appointment
- 2 sleepless nights because of back pain
- 1 sleepless night because of anxious thoughts
- 1 child with nightmares
- 2 broken dresser drawers
- 1 broken hall shoe trunk
- 1 looming manuscript deadline
- 1 broken dishwasher
(And a partridge in a pear tree…)
My life seems like an exaggeration. Way too many things go wrong, way too many things are difficult, way too many things are complicated, and way too many things drive me bonkers! But seriously…this really is my ridiculous life!
You wanna know what’s funny? The dishwasher was my undoing. Who knew a dishwasher could bring me to my emotional knees. Something about a sink full of dirty dishes and a counter full of drying dishes has simply knocked me down. I’m done.
I say that but earlier this week it was the snarky auto mechanic who made me weep all the way home. It was more the “one more thing” than the actual thing itself. You know what I mean? It was the one thing after another after another…thankfully, at this moment it’s kinda funny looking back over the week.
I have to admit I have a little attitude right now. I’m a bit put out that God would allow so much to invade my already overwhelmed life. Earlier this week I woke up at a very early hour practically having a panic attack about all the decisions I need to make in the next couple of days — huge decisions, life-altering decisions, piddley little pain in the tushy decisions, and regular everyday ugh decisions. I think the most difficult part of being a single parent lately has been the mental stuff. The one thing to decide, to think through, to consider, to deal with after another. I can’t seem to get a handle on all the things I need to deal with — and I feel like I’m dropping things left and right. Sometimes I feel like I should write a big “FAIL” over my to-do list at the end of the day. My house is still a wreck…I still forgot 5 phone calls I really needed to make…I didn’t mail that really important letter…I totally forgot that bill that was due today…I remembered too late to call and make that appointment…I left the wet laundry in the wash too long and it needs to be redone…the garden still needs to be weeded…the car didn’t get cleaned out…I forgot to get my son to write thank you notes for his birthday which was 3 months ago…that reminds me, I forgot to have my children write Christmas thank you notes too…I forget more than I remember lately. And then I beat myself up for things because I’m not teaching my children to be thankful, organized, tidy…FAIL!!!
When I get like this my dear friend and prayer partner reminds me that there is no condemnation in Christ. Romans 8:1 says, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” There is another verse I really like that kind of piggy backs on that… 1 John 3:19-23 says, “By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything. Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God; and whatever we ask we receive from him, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him. And this is his commandment, that we believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ and love one another, just as he has commanded us.” I love that God knows everything, knows my heart, and still doesn’t condemn me. Believe me! I know my heart and I definitely deserve to be condemned! How greatly He loves me! I’m in awe.
So as much as I want to condemn myself for my failure to live up to my expectations, God doesn’t. He loves me despite my failures…despite my response to all the crummy stuff happening in my world right now. I’m so thankful because I don’t feel terribly lovable. Just ask my kids…the dishwasher really does make me fussy. My bad attitude must be showing because all my kids are actually taking turns washing the dishes!
I’m praying next week won’t be so difficult. I’m praying that there will be no more broken things, no more sickness, no unexpected doctors or dentist appointments, and maybe a to do list that actually has a happy ending!
Oh…and maybe a massage!!!